Next Stop Communism...

Why does the government feel the need to constantly oppress the youth?  For some reason they think they need to protect us from ourselves.  Normally it is stupid things like “kids need an education so its mandatory to go to school until you are 16,” or “kids distract each other so no more riding with passengers for the first x months.”  My personal favorite is “kids are irresponsible so they need a legal guardian until they are 18.”  Yeah like that’s necessary, Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn didn’t listen to their guardians and they turned out fine.  The powers that be seem to think that if they don’t continuously impose restrictions on the youth we will all turn into drug addicted hookers, or traveling bands of outlaws destroying everything in our path.  Well one government agency has finally started to go too far.  The Food and Drug Administration is in the process of banning alcoholic energy drinks like Four Loko and Joose from the shelves of all beer stores and gas stations.  Really?!  That is the biggest concern of the FDA right now?  Not determining continuing to do redundant research on the negative effects of tobacco, or figuring out what does and doesn’t need to be put on the nutrition labels for food that nobody reads?   

A representative said “Let these rulings serve as a warning to anyone who tried to peddle dangerous and toxic brews to our children. Do it and we will shut you down.”  First of all I'm an adult and can make whatever destructive decisions I want.  I don’t need some stuck up broad who probably hangs out at douchey martini bars to tell me what I can and cannot drink.  Secondly it is not as if there is some shady street vendor with a silver tongue tricking people into buying the stuff.  I mean sure Four Loko tastes like what I imagine battery acid tastes like, but if I want caffeine and booze at the same time why shouldn’t I be allowed to have them.  This isn’t stopping bars from having $2 rum and coke night, or $5 vodka bombs.  I'm sure that stuck up representative even enjoys an Irish coffee every now and then if she is feeling especially saucy.  So is there any purpose in making me go through the extra step of mixing my booze and energy, besides just annoying the piss out of me?  Is it the great bang-for-your-buck these things offer with high alcohol content and low prices that are drawing the ire of the people who are supposed to be representing the public?  Apparently our favorite representative said there was a study done showing people combining booze and caffeine are more likely to be injured, be sexually assaulted, or drink and drive.  Well sure drunk people are more likely to do dumb stuff and get injured, but how is there any way you would be more likely to be sexually assaulted?  I mean with all the extra energy from the caffeine you should have extra energy to fight them off.  And caffeine can help make people more vigilant, so if people are going to drink and drive wouldn’t it be better if they had the extra edge from the caffeine?  And that whole thing about 50 people getting too messed up at a party shouldn’t even be brought into the conversation.  A small sample of idiots should never be allowed to mess things up for everyone else.  Would women like it if Sarah Palin was used as the example of all female politicians?  

So before all these crotchety old people decide what is in the best interest of the young generations, why don’t they consider what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot.  Everyone knows old people cannot drive, so why don’t we make them retake their drivers test every six months to ensure the roads are safe.  I'm sure that would go over well.  If I want to go on a marathon drinking binge enhanced by caffeine that is my prerogative.  Both are legal separately so banning the sale of the combination isn’t going to deter the consumption, it’s just going to kill capitalism, and push us closer to communism.