I’ve been thinking about doing this since we first started LNGchz. I was a tad too timid at the time but if my trip to Bonnaroo taught me anything it’s to be BOLD (Grey Matter knows what I’m talking about). SO I’m stepping up my game and I’m gonna flat out tell you… these are the best movies I’ve ever seen. Be wary… considering I haven’t been up on my movies in a while these movie are susceptible to change at anytime and believe me I’ll post them when necessary!
Let’s do this…
No. 10 Mallrats
“You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can’t start some shit!?”SYNOPSIS: “Two slacker hang out in mall after being dumped by their girlfriends.”
You’re probably saying to yourself… “Wait a minute, Agent Orange! You’re number 10 favorite movie begins with the line “One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass!?” YES! The reason Mallrats gets the nod at No. 10 is because it’s a movie where the character’s dialogue is essentially about nothing… NOTHING… like most conversation in real life! Heated debates such as “Is the cookie shop apart of the food court or is it just mid mall snacking?” and “Can Superman fuck regular chicks without killing them?” are settled in this very movie. I usually rip on jersey every chance I get, but the arm pit of America did something useful for once by producing one of the funniest writers in the industry and the only comedy on my list. Kudos to Kevin Smith! (brb I’m going to go watch it right now!)
No. 9 Layer Cake
“You’re born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take shit. You climb a little higher you take less shit. ‘Til one day you’re up into the rarefied atmosphere and you’ve forgotten what shit even looks like. Welcome to the Layer Cake, son.”SYNOPSIS: “A successful cocaine dealer gets two tough assignments from his boss on the eve of his planned early retirement.”
You know when you’re tired and you put on a movie to go to sleep… well I had seen every movie in my collection and I was looking for some new blood, so I asked my roommate for a movie and he gave me LAYER CAKE and shut the door in my face being it was 3 o’clock in the morning. I had no prior information about this movie and I put it in expecting to dose off mid opening credit, but it grabbed my eye lids and glued them to my forehead. Layer Cake is, in my book, a very rare and new take on the gangster film in terms of the main character isn’t the common wise guy with something to prove. He gets what he needs done all in hopes of leaving the life behind. Hell, he doesn’t even have a gun but substitutes it for his smart wit. I know all you Scarface fans are like that’s lame, Agent Orange, but there is some violence in there for you and oh yea… Sienna Miller = Gorgeous!
No. 8 Ninja Scroll
“If you want the company of devils, you’d better hurry back to hell…”SYNOPSIS: “A wandering Ninja, get’s dragged into a civil war in Feudal Japan.”
Yes… A fucking ninja, you nay sayers!!! This is the first anime I’ve ever seen and I will never underestimated cartoons again. This movie is the best animated feature I’ve ever seen from the opening rape scene (from what I hear Grey Area would get a kick out of that jk jk) to the literal eye popping sword battles our hero finds himself in. Don’t slouch on this Japanese masterpiece. I advise you get your ass to the nearest video store and add it to your collection… NOW!
No. 7 Star Wars: Empire Strikes Back
“Who you calling scruffy lookin’?”SYNOPSIS: “While Luke Skywalker advances his Jedi training… his friends are ruthlessly pursued by Darth Vader.”
This movie is the best of the original trilogy nay the complete anthology and I’m willing to fight you if you say otherwise just type your address in the comment box and I’ll show you what the dark side is all about. Empire is by far the darkest of the trilogy and the most fast paced. While A New Hope was a fun ride and Return of the Jedi was a class act joke in my book, Empire proved it is the realest of the bunch by showing true character development (something that Lucas lacks on a grand scale). Han Solo steals the movie from under Luke’s nose bringing his lady love, Leia, with him for some serious time in the spotlight. Billy Dee Williams proves there are black people a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away and Oh yea… Vader proves why he’s the baddest mother fucker in the galaxy... ‘Nuff Said!
No 6. Goodfellas
“As far back as I can remember. I always wanted to be a gangster.”SYNOPSIS: “We witness Henry Hill’s rise to low level gangster and fall to rat bastard.”
If there is any gangster film you have to see it’s Goodfellas. “But Agent Orange, what about Scarface and American Gangster?” FUCK SCARFACE AND FUCK AMERICAN GANGSTER!!! They aren’t on the level of Goodfellas and they never will be. I grew up watching this movie because it was a favorite in my family. Of course, I didn’t understand it at the tender age of 6… I just saw guns, drugs, and Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro offing guys left and right and I thought, “Damn this movie is awesome!” (Don’t Judge me). Don’t get me wrong, I still think that said debauchery is “awesome”, but when I matured to the point I could comprehend the characters and story I realized this movie is more than just a shoot ‘em up Gangster film with a bunch of funny talking wise guys. It’s a great story of three guys making their way in the world and their collapse. Whenever you watch this movie, you can’t tell me you weren’t mad when Karen flushes Henry’s remaining cocaine down the toilet. So remember kids, stay away from loose women, incompetent friends, and blow… and you too may be a wise guy one day.
No. 5 The Godfather 1 & 2 (Shut up it’s my list and these two count as one)
“Never hate your enemies. If affects your judgment.”
SYNOPSIS: “With the fall of Don Corleone comes the rise of his much colder son, Michael Corleone.”
“Two (Three… well four if you count Layer Cake) Gangster movies in a row, Agent Orange!?” YEP! It’s something about gangster movies that bring out the best in cinema! To quote the Geto Boys, “Damn it feels good to be a gangster”. Ok, I thought that the Godfather movies were for older people when I was younger and there was no way I was ever going to like them, but what do you know, now I’m one of those old people telling my little cousins to watch it knowing damn well they are calling me an old fart for trying to get them to watch the Godfather over Scarface. The Godfather is the best rise to power movie I’ve ever seen period. Al Pacino is a monster as Michael Corleone. I have nightmares of him ordering a hit on me every time I fall asleep after watching this movie… and you can take that as a compliment. What the fuck are you waiting for call out of work, get some popcorn, and lock the doors! You’re in for the greatest gangster experience of your life!
No. 4 The Dark Knight
“And here… we… go!”SYNOPSIS: “Batman, Jim Gordon, and Harvey Dent are pushed to their limits dealing the Anarchist mastermind only known as The Joker.”
If you haven’t seen this movie… drop what you’re doing and go die in a corner. The highest grossing superhero film of all time and one of the best sequels I’ve ever seen. The Dark Knight has everything movie goers can wish for… action, comedy (a little dark at times), and drama. I’m in heaven whenever I watch this movie. The thing about this movie is that its script is not your typical superhero script. It’s so down to earth you could’ve easily replaced Batman with a disgruntled cop and the Joker with a clean faced psychopath. The Dark Knight is proof that superheroes movise can have moved on from campy story telling and lame characterization… either way you play it’s BOX OFFICE GOLD!!! This movie should’ve gotten an Oscar without Heath Ledger having to die.
No. 3 Boogie Nights
SYNOPSIS: “A story of a young man’s venture into the California porn industry of the 70s and 80s.”“I got a feeling that behind those jeans is something wonderful waiting to get out.”
I’ve never seen or heard about this movie until my junior year in high school. I was bored out of my mind one day and I went browsing through my cousin’s DVD collection and decided to watch something new and then Boogie Nights caught my eye and I gave the DVD case a glance and saw a slew of great actors all bundled up in this one movie: Mark Walhberg, Burt Reynolds, Julianne Moore, Don Cheadle, Heather Graham, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Thomas Jane, Robert Downey Sr., John C. Riley, and Luis Guzmán. I was dumbfounded I had never heard of this movie before. Without hesitation I popped the DVD in… and two in a half glorious hours later it was done and I said to myself, “I just watched the rise and fall of a porn star… and I liked it!” But it’s more than just pseudo porn, you pervs, it’s a great story which sticks to the theme of family… through all the trials of these fucked up porn stars (no pun intended) go through they struggle to stay a family and live their lives in a world where they are looked down upon. Go check this movie out! Too ashamed to buy it? I’ll lend you my copy!
No. 2 Cruel Intentions
“You have killer legs. I’d like to photograph them…”SYNOPSIS: “Kathryn makes a bet that her step-brother, Sebastian, can’t bed Annette, the headmaster’s virgin daughter who believes in waiting for true love. If he loses, Kathryn gets his Jaguar, if he wins, he gets Kathryn.”
Based on the French novel by Choderlos de Laclos, Les Liaisons dangereuses (That’s Dangerous Liaisons in French) this movie is a story so packed with drama you can’t help but be dragged into the lives of the characters. This movie was one of those movies I was ashamed to say I owned because I thought it was a chick flick and then I realized this movie is far from a chick flick. For Christ sake, it’s about sex, drugs, lies and deceit the building blocks of the greatest drama of the 90s. Watching this movie, you truly will witness one of the greatest character transformation in Sebastian Valmont (Ryan Phillippe) and one can’t help but love Sarah Michelle Gellar’s portrayal as the manipulative bitch that is Kathryn Merteuil… gentlemen looking for a movie to impress your girls? Well look no further than Cruel Intentions!
P.S. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair make out hardcore in this one.
No. 1 Pulp Fiction
“They call it a Royale with Cheese”
SYNOPSIS: “The lives of two mob hit men, a boxer, a gangster’s wife, and a pair of diner bandits intertwine in four tales of awesomeness.”
You thought I forgot about Tarantino didn’t you? No fucking way I was going to forget Pulp Fiction. This movie mind fucked me the first time I saw it. Literal DICK to MIND penetration. I was at the barber shop getting my haircut when I first saw it. I was so captivated by it I tied to get a glance at it every chance I got… even resorting to looking at the television’s reflection in the mirror to see it. When my hair cut was over some asshole had changed the television to The Maury Show (No ill will toward Maury, I like ignorant people embarrassing themselves on television as much as the next guy, but I had to see the rest of this movie). So upon leaving the barber shop, I remembered that the adult video store next door had legit DVDs in the front of the store and I prayed to god Pulp Fiction was among those movies on the near empty shelves. And there it was an unopened deluxe edition of the movie all mine for the taking. For the first time, I left that video store with my dignity in tact as I walked back to my house and watched it a dozen times. What I dug the most about Pulp Fiction was the witty dialogue. Everything seemed to snap and pop from the actors like they were born to play these parts. In all honesty, it took me a half hour to decide what quote to use at the top of this pick. Pulp fiction didn’t only entertain me, it single handedly brought Travolta and Willis’s career’s back to life and introduced Sam Jackson as the bad mother fucker he would play in the millions roles he would get afterward.
GET IT. WATCH IT. LOVE IT. QUOTE IT.
NOTABLE MENTIONS (So close, yet so far away…):
-The Departed
-Menace to Society
-Kill Bill 1 & 2 (It was made as one movie assholes)
-Gladiator
-Fight Club
-Terminator 2
Bold enough to tell me your top 10? Leave your list in a comment…
END//TRANSMISSION
--Agent Orange
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